I'm so fucking centered right now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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