i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
