the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
