I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
