It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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