What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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