So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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