Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
