it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
