I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just invented taco cereal.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I fill condoms, not promises.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
