i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
