I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
