I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
