There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
