Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
