Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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