someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
