I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
