All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
