she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
