I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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