After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
