The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Green mimosas i think yes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
