dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize