I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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