It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
