I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Randomize
