My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize