sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
