I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
