Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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