lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
