just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
