I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
