dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
