i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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