Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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