forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
