i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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