Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
