I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
