I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
