someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
