Tell her she can't have a vagina
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
