Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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