sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize