When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
