I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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