I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
