Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
