Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
