There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
