the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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