If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
