it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize