i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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