drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
