Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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