You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
