Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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