Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
