you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
