You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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