everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
