They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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