i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
