I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
