Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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