All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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