I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
